Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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