I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
