Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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