I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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