Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
