So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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