Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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