I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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