I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
