i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
