i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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