The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
