A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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