That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize