Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
