A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
