Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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