Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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