...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
