I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
