It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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