I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
