In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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