Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
