Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize