put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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