I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
