Me. At least after what I've been through.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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