god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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