Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
