I skipped work to stalk him.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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