I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
