12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
