oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
did i walk over a car last night?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
