I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize