i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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