oh god the rape fog is back!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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