after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
