I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
