i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
