Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
