also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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