I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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