Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
