This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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