dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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