Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
