If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We just shotgunned beers for America
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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