Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
