dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize