i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
