don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The best revenge is premature balding
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
