I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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