is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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