My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
