When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
