He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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