I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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