Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Did I show you my penis last night?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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