watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
