we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize