did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
