Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
