I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
