I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
