so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
