How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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