i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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