I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
