I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I didn't notice because vodka
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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