Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I smell like Dick and happiness
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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