Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize