Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
