i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Boobs speak an international language.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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