They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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