If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
