It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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