I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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