Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
God, I missed his penis.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
