he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
