And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
