I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
