There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
why is half of my head shaved?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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