physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
