I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
