When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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