so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
