Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
