I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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